


never knew i could love someone like i love you

by enemeriad



Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: F/M, Written Pre-5x11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-30
Updated: 2013-08-30
Packaged: 2017-12-25 02:49:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/947717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enemeriad/pseuds/enemeriad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan doesn't wish for anything but Blair's happiness. Even if that means giving up his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	never knew i could love someone like i love you

She arrives in the middle of the night, cold, wet and slips through the door with a single word. 

" _Chuck."_

Dan doesn't ask, doesn't ask her to extrapolate as he puts a mug of bitter sweet coffee into her palm and pulls her into him on the couch. 

She is silent for so long that he thinks she's fallen asleep but when he moves aside to let her rest, she snatches the cloth of his sweater and doesn't let him go. 

Dan doesn't move, doesn't speak, doesn't breathe. 

He just watches the silent tears fall down her face. 

 

 

He wants to be the one to save her. 

He wants to be her  _savior._

And he does the one thing he thinks (knows) will help. 

He lets her stay. 

He lets her dictate the terms of their non-friendship. 

"Nobody can know."

And with that, she tells him the story and it unfolds before him like the most painful, heartbreaking song and Dan is singing her tune. 

Because he  _loves_ her and she needs to be  _saved._

 

 

When the sound of a town car bristles into their conscious, Blair gets up and walks into his bedroom. 

"Deal with him. Please. I.. "

_Can't._

But Dan knows. 

He knows. 

And so he answers the door and he lies. 

Because one more lie (two more, three more, ten more) is nothing to save her. 

 

 

As he walks down his street, he laments how Chuck's involvement will deal a blow to Blair's countenance. 

And the chances of him coming out unscathed are minimal. 

But it doesn't matter. It doesn't cross his mind that he could hurt in the process. 

Does she love him? No. ( _notyet)_

But does it matter? No. He loves her too much to be selfish. 

And so as he opens the door to Vera Wang and finds her there looking  _resplendant_ he wants to pull her into his arms and tell her he loves her and to ditch Louis and choose him, choose  _him._ Because he won't hurt her. 

But he doesn't. 

Because she needs him and he wants her in any way he can get. 

 

 

It get's worse and he knew it was going to happen. 

Having an affair?

He has to force himself to laugh.  _Preposterous._ That's more ridiculous than me and Serena. 

_Serena._

He chokes on the hopeful look in the blonde's eyes and he knows he's ruined her at the expense of saving her best friend. 

Serena leans into the kiss as he pulls away and it's almost like everyone on the planet is punishing him. 

Chuck glares at him as they lock eyes over  _her._

Blair pretends she is happy. 

Lies. 

Like  _he_ told her to. 

She smiles and he  _knows_ it's not  _real._

The pang in his heart makes him turn away from Serena and from the party and walk towards the exit. 

 _He_ can't lie. 

 

 

But somehow, Blair ends up at the Empire and Dan ends up with Serena. As he downs Dorota's sweet stash, he knows it could've been worse. 

Serena makes subtle advances and Dan is too tired to rebuff them. 

At the same time, Blair makes her apologies infinitive and Chuck is too proud to fight for her. 

They all could've lied better. 

 

 

Rain falls on Manhattan streets as everyone says goodnight. 

Blair to her heart and Dan to his morality. 

Serena gets up and touches his shoulder. 

"You're good enough for her."

When Blair calls him the next morning to come to Church with her, he goes. 

As he sits in the back pew over the abandoned church and watches her pray, he knows that this is all it'll ever be. 

So when they part, he pulls her to the side, kisses her on the forehead and tells her to be happy. 

"With Louis, with Chuck, with anyone. Just..  _be happy._ "

She's almost confused and then her eyes falls to the floor and she nods. 

Because she knows, she  _knows._

He loves her enough to let her go.


End file.
